we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
