My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
