By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
