Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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