we're blogging at a bar
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
