Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hippo gnu deer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
