I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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