It's Friday. Sex?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
