Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
