got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
