We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
