It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We need to get me chipped asap
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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