dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
