She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
