Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
