New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
