I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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