did you get engaged???
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
