I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
