bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
