i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
