I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
