never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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