after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
