found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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