so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So much rum. So many feels.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
