how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
only you would photoshop your dick
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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