I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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