dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
