i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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