we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
