I'm really into asian looking animals
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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