it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
