Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
