my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
