Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
