Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
