you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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