my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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