As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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