she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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