Just fell off a train. Bad.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
