did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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