My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
