I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
