The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
