I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
