Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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