Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
