I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
And then he peed in my hair
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