I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
