Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
