Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
