I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
