Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
