Just cropdusted the office
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
