It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
