Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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