I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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